"May we ever regard sin as our greatest enemy, and holiness as our nobilist attainment." -Fielding Ould

Have you ever felt like you sorta slip away from time to time? Because I feel that a lot. And I hate to feel it. I can't stand how lazy I've become. But I have a feeling I've always been that way.

Why did everything change? Why did woman stop dressing like woman. Why did they stop dressing modestly? Why did we stop working hard? Why do little kids disrespect their parents?
It didn't always be this way. Women never wore pants. It's in the Bible that pants are for men only.

Men worked harder than dogs, and so did children. They never sat on their butts all day. They worked outside. And young girls helped theirs mamas cooking and cleaning and seweing.

Why can't it still be that way? It makes me mad, and frustrated.

I think I've fallen in to the category of laziness. I don't want to be, it's just that the motivation to work isn't as strong as it needs to be. I keep praying about it, but I can't seem to change.

A few times I would purposely turn off the T.V. to spend time w/ God, and I felt better. But lately, it's been hard. I keep saying "Maybe if I get a job, I'll work harder." But if I don't have all the motivation, then it's sorta inevitable that I won't perform my job to the best of my ability, so there's no point right now.

I don't know what to do anymore. I need God more than ever. I need a dad.

I have to say I do have motivation, just not enough to get me going. And I need to get going. Soon. Now. But, WHY! Why can't I? I'd love to know why it's so hard. I'd love to understand it. But I can't. All I know is that I don't try my best. At anything. Why? Well let me tell you....I have not the littlest clue.

Papa, why? I don't like the feelings of never trying hard enough. Who knows how much I could of gotten done had I tried a little harder. What's going on inside of me? Surely you are not pleased with my actions, or lack there of. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. I want to come back, and leave that lazy life. I want you to use me, shape me, and help me become more than what I am doing. It's so hard to live a holy life that is pleasing to you with all the temptation around me. Those dreams in my ♥ are there for a reason, you know because I assume you put them there. I love you God. Please help me to always remember that you are my only dad. My Papa. My Father!  My friend. My true friend. My Best Friend! And my, love. My First Love. My Teacher, My Helper, My Faith Perfecter! My God. My King. And I am your daughter, the Princess. I need you so much, Dad. You know my weaknesses. My struggles. My thoughts. My actions. My motives. Test them. Take away any ugly part of my inner being. Please Dad, it is eating me alive it feels like. Help me to quit feeding my flesh. How I want to be like You! You are perfect. And so comforting. Love ya, Dad! Thanks for listening. You always do..Love, your daughter,
Amber