Life.

It's time I tell You what's been going on

Although You already know.

Inside me are deep hidden chambers,

Somwhow they've been locked way below.

My life is passing by

I've been frowning.

Been 17 whole years,

I've been counting.

I can see You so vivdly

With just one look.

But why can't I live

The way You would?

You see, it's been hard,

And I hate it.

Don't want to pass by and say

"I've barely made it."

I've paced and I've cried

Yet the feelings still hide

And the thoughts just don't

Leave me alone.

But still I hang on,

Even if by only a thread.

Jesus please help me,

Am I a walking woman who's really dead?

I wrote half of this poem a year ago & still feel the same even though I know God has truly changed me in many areas. But there's always something. There's always that fear or that set-back or that obstacle, isn't there?

I do believe it, but it's hard to accept the fact that God accepts me for me. Even though I'm afraid? Even though I put other things before Him? I hate that about myself. I get to the point sometimes where I can't stand myself anymore because I can't do everything God tells me I can do.

Ugh. There's no joy in the state I'm in. I am so unimpressed with myself as this one guy says.

I feel like "a dead man walking."

Oh, shine Your glory down!