A cup full of modesty.

Honesty.

This word is the word that was used when I was "forced" to process all that was coming at me. The words were put in the kindest of ways, but the meaning was just too harsh for me.

We sat there. Me. Mom. and my older sister. Discussing things. Things about me. I hadn't even started this. But still, we discussed. I was told many things that were observed about my life. I was told the concerns they had for me. Little did they know that I was totally oblivious to it all. 

Their thoughts: (which I very much appreciate now). 

I was told that I come off insecure, low self-esteemed. Now, they were not bringing me down, they were just concerned as to why. Depression was also one that was brought up. Oh, and isolation.

My thoughts: 

I assured them that I do struggle daily with my mind/thoughts. But I guess what they didn't know was that I love myself! Not loath! 

Some modesty issues were also brought up. I can totally realize why people question why I wear long skirts & little to no make up. I mean, hardly anyone does that in these days, and so its quite understandable. I hadn't really thought about the fact that people were thinking I was "afraid" to show my body off (as if it was a good thing!) or that I felt insecure about my body and that's why they think I cover up myself. My Mom & sister have always understood modesty. But they think I go to an extreme.

To some, it's an extreme to cover yourself up like "an old lady" in a skirt. To me, its beautifully modest and God honoring. And modesty doesn't necessarily mean dressing like an old lady might I add! Dressing womanly with a cup full of modesty and a tablespoon of style has nothing to do with potato sacs and nothing but cloth head to toe.

I am glad that the discussion was brought up because I know their true feelings & now they know mine. Now they know that I wear what I wear because I am happy with it, and I know God is too. They know that I love femininity and modesty and guarding my heart in that way. They know that yes, I feel insecure sometimes, and yes, I struggle with low self esteem, but that I am so comfortable with who I am. God made everyone different, I'm learning. And I love who He made me to be.

He made me to love these things. He made me enjoy certain things like, reading, writing, old fashioned things, art, etc. I really do love who I am!

I think this made me appreciate who I am more than ever. I don't want to change myself, and in some ways I know I need to for the sake of God's Word. 

My point tonight is that I am me, and I'm okay with it. I am still growing & learning. And not to mention experiencing and adventuring! But at this moment - I Amber Noella Leyba, love---me.

And I know God does too. And what He thinks of me is all that really matters, anyway. 

As long as it's pleasing Him, who you are, what you like, and what you do is the only thing that will ever matter.