A cup full of modesty.

Honesty.

This word is the word that was used when I was "forced" to process all that was coming at me. The words were put in the kindest of ways, but the meaning was just too harsh for me.

We sat there. Me. Mom. and my older sister. Discussing things. Things about me. I hadn't even started this. But still, we discussed. I was told many things that were observed about my life. I was told the concerns they had for me. Little did they know that I was totally oblivious to it all. 

Their thoughts: (which I very much appreciate now). 

I was told that I come off insecure, low self-esteemed. Now, they were not bringing me down, they were just concerned as to why. Depression was also one that was brought up. Oh, and isolation.

My thoughts: 

I assured them that I do struggle daily with my mind/thoughts. But I guess what they didn't know was that I love myself! Not loath! 

Some modesty issues were also brought up. I can totally realize why people question why I wear long skirts & little to no make up. I mean, hardly anyone does that in these days, and so its quite understandable. I hadn't really thought about the fact that people were thinking I was "afraid" to show my body off (as if it was a good thing!) or that I felt insecure about my body and that's why they think I cover up myself. My Mom & sister have always understood modesty. But they think I go to an extreme.

To some, it's an extreme to cover yourself up like "an old lady" in a skirt. To me, its beautifully modest and God honoring. And modesty doesn't necessarily mean dressing like an old lady might I add! Dressing womanly with a cup full of modesty and a tablespoon of style has nothing to do with potato sacs and nothing but cloth head to toe.

I am glad that the discussion was brought up because I know their true feelings & now they know mine. Now they know that I wear what I wear because I am happy with it, and I know God is too. They know that I love femininity and modesty and guarding my heart in that way. They know that yes, I feel insecure sometimes, and yes, I struggle with low self esteem, but that I am so comfortable with who I am. God made everyone different, I'm learning. And I love who He made me to be.

He made me to love these things. He made me enjoy certain things like, reading, writing, old fashioned things, art, etc. I really do love who I am!

I think this made me appreciate who I am more than ever. I don't want to change myself, and in some ways I know I need to for the sake of God's Word. 

My point tonight is that I am me, and I'm okay with it. I am still growing & learning. And not to mention experiencing and adventuring! But at this moment - I Amber Noella Leyba, love---me.

And I know God does too. And what He thinks of me is all that really matters, anyway. 

As long as it's pleasing Him, who you are, what you like, and what you do is the only thing that will ever matter.

Purity of Body: Pure Speech

I decided to continue this devotional on Purity of Body from Rebecca St. James' book "Pure".
There are 3 sections: Purity of Mind, Purity of Spirit, & Purity of Body.
I'm not really doing them in order so they will be mixed up a bit.

They are so uplifting, encouraging, & helpful for purity, although God is the one who is the true up-lifter, encourager, & helper for this (and everything else we seek to do).




"Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, Christians have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit for our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect."


Reflection
"Our everyday speech betrays what's in our hearts & minds. The words that come from our lips are not some kind of role we are playing. Our words represent who we are. When people think of us, they often think of favorite things we say, or the way we word particular phrases. A true mark of a radical believer is that he/she is striving to posses purity of speech. But unlike acting, pure speech should be real, authentic, & grounded in a pure heart & mind.


Looking Further
The word purity is often used to describe something that is free from dust, dirt, or taintedness (as in pure spring water). When we drink bottled water, we expect it to be free of impurities. No one in his right mind would purposely sell impure water.
The words that we speak should not give mixed messages to others, but only messages that are consistent with who we say we are---followers of Christ. James, the brother of Jesus, had this to say:

This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't
tame a tongue---it's never been done. The tongue
runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we
bless God our Father; with the same tongue we
curse the very men & woman He made in His image.
Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!
My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush
fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it?
Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they?
Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they?
You're not going to dip into a polluted mud
hole and get a cup of clear, coll water, are you?
James 3:7-12

Living it out
Paul told Timothy, "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."
1 Timothy 4:12
How pure is your everyday speech? Are there some things that need to change? Talk with God about your desire to improve in this area, and then trust Him to help you."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The reason I am writing on here what other people are writing, is because I still feel a little insecure with the things I write when talking about our Christian Faith. Everything I may type here (whether it be from other people, or my own) I am still working on, & allowing God to work on inside of me.

I am learning about trusting God to help me w/ my convictions & desires. I feel like sometimes I don't do things w/ the right motives, and then I feel like I'm always doing something wrong. It's a bondage, and I can't take it. It tires me out so much that paranoia develops way inside of me, and I don't live in the peace that I seek. Am I seeking peace with the right desire, I OFTEN find myself asking God, and me.

When no change seems to take place, it gets harder & harder to believe it ever will. But I am still holding on to God's promises.
You know,, God speaks to me. He shows me He's there, He shows me He exists every time I step foot outside. Especially early in the morning when the sun is peeping over the mountains & through the clouds, and at night when I see nothing but twinkling stars and a big, bright gorgeous full moon. That's when I feel Him so near. And when the wind whistles through the trees, it's like it's His way of hugging me. And when the wind pulls my hair back, its like Him stroking it gently, telling me to relax, that He's got it ALL under control.

But why do we find ourselves in a state of doubt? What makes us doubt even for a second, when one day we are at peace with things, and then another we are so worried it robs us from joy, laughter, sleep, conversations; and then we are totally blind to things that need to be done. Things that truly matter.

I just know that Jesus us THERE. Even though sometimes I feel far from Him, or I feel unworthy, by the way, we will never be worthy in the 1st place, I still know God is God.

Joyce Meyer said once, " You can't enjoy life if you don't trust HIM." and "God has different plans for all of us--stop watching your time & start enjoying your stuff & let GOD BE GOD"

Probably my favorite verse (although short) is
"Be still and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10

Know that HE is God. He is. We can rest assured that He is King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, and HE IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE GOD!

I want to become closer to God, but "Itching for what you want doesn't do much good; you have to SCRATCH for it."

Purity of Body: Safe, Healthy, & Empowered

**Every word is credited to Author Rebecca St. James from her book "Pure".


"Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness, by looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands & children, be virtuous & pure, keep a good house, & be good wives. We don't want anyone looking down on God's Message because of their behavior."
-Titus 2:3-5 The message

Reflection
Do you know what your role is supposed to be? Are you concerned that you don't measure up to other women? Maybe you're facing pressures at home & school & work because of all the different hats of responsibility you have to wear. On top of that, because of the outer beauty you see valued in today's culture, you may feel as if you are supposed to look like a model & be superskinny in order to be accepted.
...God desires that we continue to grow in the truths HE would have us believe about ourselves rather than taking our cues from the world.

Looking Further
In contrast to the majority of men in His day, who treated women as property, Jesus placed a high value on the worth of women. He treated all women with respect, from His earthly mother, Mary, to those criticized by society.
....He met women at their point of need. No women was ever beyond the reach of Jesus' mercy & grace. Because of the way He affirmed their worth, is it any wonder that women followed Jesus w/ such devotion, sat at the foot of the cross, accompanied His body to the tomb, & were the 1st to arrive at the burial place on the morning of His resurrection?

Living it out
What does God desire for you as His daughter? If He were to speak to you today, what do you think He would say regarding your inner beauty, your desire for holiness & purity?
What words of affirmation would He speak about your talents & gifts & how you could use them in an even greater way for Him? Imagine that He desires to speak these truths into your life today, then go & meet w/ Him.